allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
