Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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