and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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