hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
