just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
