he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
