I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
