i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
