It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
