Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
