I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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