Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
