I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
