were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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