I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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