so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
