those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
