The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
