She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
