its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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