So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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