Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
