Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
