Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
