so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
