Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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