I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
