I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
