my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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