I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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