even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
