So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
