Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
