If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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