Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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