I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
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