its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
