filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
