i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
