I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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