i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
