dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
