Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
how drunk are you?
Several
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
