tell your sister to shave her snatch
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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