Whod you bang
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
