Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
false alarm. still invincible.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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