No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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