Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
