By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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