i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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