elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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